I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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