the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
