You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
