why didn't you poke me back
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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