just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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