Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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