If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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