Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Duck Duck Cougar?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
