My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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