omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize
