no, he came in my armpit
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
