god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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