my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My bed smells like the plague
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
