I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
