Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
