seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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