just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
