K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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