u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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