I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
