Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
