since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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