Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize