I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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