Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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