My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
