found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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