***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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