so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My vagina is very pro this idea
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
