weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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