i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
