Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
