I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
