Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
