I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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