I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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