Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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