I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
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