either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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