I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
