It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
