why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
