Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
