You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
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I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I am one with the molecules
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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