I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
