That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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