she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
