I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
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i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
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He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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