My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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