I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
