Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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