What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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