Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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