Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
