if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There's always time for handjobs
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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