No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
