All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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