Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
