You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
